Limiting beliefs are thoughts that hold us back. Every thought we think triggers an emotion. Over time, repetition turns the thought into a belief. You might also call it a truth or a fact, meaning an idea you do not question. The same thought triggers the same emotions every time you think it.
When you remember a funny joke or a hilarious moment in your life, your brain cannot distinguish whether you are thinking about the now, the past, yourself or others. The amygdala just triggers the chemical chain reaction for joy. Joy in turn brings up more memories and ideas tagged with the same emotion. Our thoughts create our emotions and our emotions create our thoughts.
That’s how emotions influence what we think, remember and even how we see the world and what we notice. They create our reality. Since our emotions are triggered by thoughts, limiting bliefs – repetitive thoughts that get in our way – keep us stuck.
Uncomfortable emotions
Thoughts can trigger any kind of emotion but limiting beliefs only trigger uncomfortable ones. We are meant to feel mostly good. Emotions like fear and anger are supposed to be brief. They trigger chain reactions to prepare us for quick actions to save our life in dangerous situations. Any emotion is only supposed to last for two minutes even if the physical consequences take a bit longer to walk off.
Limiting beliefs are thoughts about ourselves, others and the world that we learned as part of growing up in societies with a strong negativity bias. Deep down we know they are not true so every time one of these thoughts come up, we feel uncomfortable emotions, ranging from frustration, to anger or even fear.
Why change is hard
I have been practising breathwork. It is an effective emotional hygiene technique I enjoy it. And yet I have been forgetting to do my exercises lately. Again. Here’s why.
It’s easy. With the app Breathwrk, practising takes less than ten minutes a day. Notifications even remind me to watch the short videos. When I practise regularly, my life is easier because regulating my breath helps me stay calm and reduces stress. So why can’t I make this habit stick?
Two limiting beliefs: “Life is hard” and “I need to suffer to deserve change”. Consciously I know both beliefs are nonsense. But because beliefs are just thoughts I keep thinking, my conscious objections don’t matter because unconsciously I think thoughts that match my limiting beliefs.
My new habit rubs up against both. Breathwork is simple and makes my life easier. So what happens? The limiting beliefs trigger emotions, like fear or impatience, which shift my focus and distract me. I turn off the notifications and then “forget” to do my exercises later.
Conscious or unconscious thoughts?
Just because you think a thought does not mean you notice it. Some people do, and I am occasionally jealous, but for me and many other people our thoughts run like tapes in the background. A lot of them are the same over and over again. If they are negative, psychologists call this ruminating.
Practises like meditation and Yoga are ways to quiet your mind. The goal is not to stop thought because you cannot do that. But what you can do is either notice which thoughts you are actually thinking, so you make the unconscious tape conscious. Or to focus on something neutral, like a mantra or a repetitive sound.
In either case, the goal is to stop repetitive negative thoughts, even if just for a while to take you out of the emotions loop you might be stuck in. Because if you repeat the same limiting beliefs, you feel the same emotions which lead to the same actions and decisions. You recreate your life every day. This is what happens when you are “stuck”.
Alternatives
Noticing your thoughts, either through meditation or by journaling, or just by listening to the chatter in your mind is one approach. For some people this is the easiest way to identify those thoughts that hold them back.
My mind is very active and it took me two and a half decades to find a meditation that worked for me. It still does not reveal my limiting beliefs though. My path is different. I use my emotions to tell me that I am currently having a less than useful thought.
When I feel any kind of uncomfortable emotion, I pause and assess the situation. Sometimes there’s a good reason for the emotion. But when there isn’t, I assume that a limiting belief is currently active. Shame, for example, signals limiting beliefs I have about myself. But all uncomfortable emotions can be triggered by an unhelpful thought I learned to repeat.
Then there are also results. If there is a habit I keep “forgetting”, I know it must go against one of my limiting beliefs. The more reason to work on it because beliefs are just thoughts I keep thinking.
Replacing thoughts
Maybe the two beliefs that hold me back are thoughts you were taught to think too. We learned them from other people who basically brainwashed us into believing them through repetition.
So what now? You know what your limiting belief is and you also know that you can’t stop thinking it. If you try not to think thoughts they come up even more often. What can you do?
Just like an unhelpful habit can be replaced with a better one, unhelpful thoughts can be replaced with new ones. The key is to choose new thoughts you do not argue with. I am currently practising “Life is easy and joy is my birthright.” Consciously I believe these two sentences. I know they are true. But how do I convince my unconscious mind and brainwash myself?
Repetition, repetition, repetition
Find new thoughts you consciously accept and don’t argue with. How do you know a thought works for you? It makes you feel good when you say and think it. Say and think your new thoughts several times a day.
I actully do drills. Using prayer beads, I say my new thoughts several hundred times a day. Beliefs are just thoughts we keep thinking. Change your thoughts and repeat them often enough to create your new beliefs.
It took a while for you to form your old beliefs. It won’t take that long to form new ones because we learn much faster when we are having fun. So pick new thoughts that feel good. Maybe put them into a rhyme or sing them out loud. Write them down every now and then too. And every time you feel a negative emotions triggered by a limiting belief, just take a deep breath and repeat your new thoughts.
New emotions
By practising new thoughts you also practise new emotions and create a new reality. Let the system work in your favour. Your new thoughts trigger positive emotions, which in turn bring up happy and funny memories and ideas. Over time, your positive emotions outweigh your uncomfortable ones. You see the world and other people differently, take new actions and make better decisions.
Tech is for me. Tech is for everyone! All we need is the right teacher. That’s my new belief. I’ve been practising it for a few years now. The result: I learned how to create websites, newsletters, and even have a blog explaining tech.
A belief is the “truth” because we make it so. Our emotions help us take actions that prove ourselves right every single day. Now that I know I am a techie, I learn new technologies easily. I find the information I am looking for because my emotions make sure I notice the right search results. I am proving my new truth to myself every day.
Working on our limiting beliefs is literally life-changing. Whether you start with meditation or other techniques to notice your thoughts, or use self-awareness of your emotions, I hope this post inspires you to get started today. It’s not hard. It’s easy. You don’t need to suffer. Joy is your birthright. It’s time to think the thoughts that bring you joy.