We often talk and write about changing our lives but what we usually mean is personal growth. The difference between the two is crucial and if you have felt stuck in the past, understanding it might just be the key to moving forward.
Change is inevitable
Even when you believe that your life stays the same, or that you recreate the same situations and go through the same motions every day, you change. If you have strong routines, though, the changes are usually so small that you barely notice them. That’s why it appears that life is standing still.
But that is impossible. Change is a constant. When you spend every evening on your couch, muscles in your back stretch out while those in your front, like your hip flexors, contract. Over time, you end up with a rounded back. You usually only notice this type of change when the result is already extreme.
Just like our posture, the person we embody today is the result of thoughts, emotions and actions we repeated in the past. Over time, our bodies adapt. Neural pathways are strengthened. Neurotransmitters and hormones triggered by often experienced emotions accumulate in our bodies. And actions that were once uncomfortable are now easy and eve automatic.
The person you are today is the sum of past changes. The person you will be tomorrow depends on the changes you go through right now. Change is inevitable. What you can control, though, is which direction you are changing in.
What is growth?
Growth is positive change, meaning you think new thoughts, feel positive emotions and take feel-good actions more often than the day before. You may also learn new skills, deepen your understanding about a subject or acquire new knowledge. In short, you improve your life through positive change.
Growth does not necessarily happen on purpose. Just like change, you can grow without even noticing. How? When your environment and the people surrounding you change. We are such social creatures that we adapt to new environments and others whether we realise it or not.
This type of growth is just like change often incremental and can even go unnoticed until the person who changed is confronted with their past. For example, when you meet an old friend and notice how different both of you have become. Any form of growth, whether it is deliberate or not, is good because it improves your life. The real power, however, lies in deliberate growth.
A growth mindset
Anyone can grow. Simply change your environment and surround yourself with supportive people. Whether you believe change is possible or not does not matter. Your programming as a social being will automatically guarantee that your quality of life improves.
For some of us this type of growth is not enough though. We want big leaps out of a past that no longer serves us into a new self that is so different from who we used to be that we need deliberate growth. How do you achieve this kind of growth?
The key ingredient is a growth mindset. For deliberate growth, you have to know that change is inevitable and deliberate change is possible. If you want big change, you have to believe that you can do it. A belief is just a thought you keep thinking so find your favourite mindset tool, like switchwords or brain training, and embody a growth mindset.
Focus on yourself
Not everyone has a growth mindset. While it can be learned, like any other emotional intelligence skill, you can only make the decision for yourself. We learn our most basic beliefs about life and ourselves as children. I know many people who believe that life is hard and that that’s just the way it is. They often also believe that they are just the way they are.
If you are in a relationship with someone who “does not want to change” the issue is not with change but with their mindset. Big change is only possible if you know that it is possible and if you embody this change through new thoughts, emotions and actions. You cannot force anyone to do that. This kind of change has to come from the inside.
Change is inevitable. So is growth when you are surrounded by the “new right people”. When you want to grow deliberately you can only make this choice for yourself. You can only change your own beliefs. Focus on yourself. Maybe your growth mindset will rub off on others. Maybe it won’t. For some people you will become the “new right person” while others will shift out of your life.
Focus on the present
A growth mindset also means embracing change. Practise flexibility in body and mind so you are ready for new opportunities coming your way. Root yourself in the present by embodying mindfulness and appreciate your now because it is the launch pad for your future.
Let go of people who shift out of your life so there is room for the new ones who are already moving towards you right now. Accept people for who they are in this moment, knowing that they will change too. Which direction others are moving in is their decision, whether they make it consciously or by default.
You get to choose your path. Make your choice deliberately. Aim for a better life and start moving towards it. Embody your growth mindset and focus on your next step.