Our brains are often referred to as problem-solving mechanisms. We have a brilliant system in place that allows us to come up with a number of possible solutions to issues so we can pick the perfect action to take. When the system works well, we call it problem-solving skills. When the system is hijacked by fear, we call it worrying.
The negativity bias in society and our urge to fit in turn worrying first into a habit and then a part of our lives even though it only causes harm. But anything that was learned, can be unlearned once you understand what exactly is going on.
When the system runs smoothly
This is what problem-solving is supposed to look like: You identify the issue. You use your imagination to come up with possible solutions, which you think about, test and run through in your mind. Finally, you choose the solution you decide will work best and come up with an action plan. Then you act on the plan.
And that’s that. This process requires curiosity, creative thinking and decision making. The parts of our brains in charge of these types of thoughts only work well, when we are calm.
The hijacked system
Fear triggers a chain reaction that prepares us for flight, freeze or fight. Part of this process is that our vision is narrowed, our creativity severely impaired and we have trouble making decisions. So when our problem-solving system runs while we are afraid, we cannot complete any of the steps.
We can’t analyse the problem, or find creative solutions. And worst of all making a decision feels suddenly impossible. Instead, we are stuck in the scenario-stage in which our mind rehashes the same thoughts. That’s how we end up in loops, unable to take action. When the system works, we call it problem solving. When it’s hijacked by fear, it’s worrying.
Everything we repeat often enough turns into a habit, including systems. When we repeat the habit long enough, it eventually becomes automatic and we even forget that it’s just a habit we once learned.
Worrying is not normal
You learned to worry, meaning you learned to trigger fear and get stuck in loops. We adapt a lot easier and faster to the people around us than we realise. When the people in our environment constantly think, talk and write about problems, especially problems they cannot solve, we eventually pick up their bad habit.
Most of the problems people discuss are unsolvable. Either they are simply none of their business, like talking about other people’s problems, or they do not have enough information, or they are not in a position to take any action anyway even if they know what their decision would look like (politics, for example). Thanks to the negativity bias in the news and social media, we are constantly exposed to problems we cannot solve.
Why engange?
Since these problems are not our own, why talk about them at all? Partially because we operate under the limiting belief that we should have an opinion on everything and that knowing about the “problems in the world” means being well-educated or smart or something similarly positive.
Then there is simply habit. We learn from the people around us which conversation topics are “good”, meaning acceptable to others. If you have friends who gossip, you eventually start minding other people’s business too. If you have colleagues who talk about the future in bleak terms, your brain will help you fit in by coming up with bleak scenarios.
But it’s just chatting, isn’t it? And being informed is important, right? What’s the harm in watching the news and talking to your colleagues, family and friends? So what if the conversations are mostly negative?
What really happens
Everything you practise becomes a habit. That includes the thoughts you think regularly, the emotions these thoughts trigger and the actions you take. Every single time you chat with someone or read a headline about a problem you cannot solve, you practise worrying.
Your brain starts the usual mechanism and tries to come up with solutions but the negative subject activates fear which severely limits your creativity. Even if you manage to come up with a decision – or an opinion as it is called when the problem is really none of your concern – the only action you can take is talk about it.
That’s the new system you practise: Think about a problem -> experience fear -> try to come up with solutions but only find basic or old ones -> make a decision/form an opinion -> talk/write about it because it’s the only action you can take. And repeat until the system runs on autopilot and you completely forget that worrying is just a very bad habit.
How to stop worrying
Once you understand that worrying is just a bad habit, you can replace it with a range of new habits. Since it includes thoughts you think, emotions you experience and actions you take, you want to work on all three levels.
Start by lowering your base levels of fear. When we experience an emotion too often, the chemicals it releases into our bodies and our brains accumulate over time because we cannot keep up with discharging and recycling them. Practise emotional hygiene every day to return to a healthy base level.
Limit your worry thoughts. Every time you are tempted to solve a problem that is not your own and no one asked you to solve anyway, let go and think “It’s none of my business.” Reduce your exposure to negative news and either avoid social media or retrain your algorithms.
And then change your actions. Do not gossip. When people worry out loud do not join in. If possible, walk away. If you have to stay, do not engage. Go to your happy place if it helps or focus on the things you appreciate about the people around you.
New habits
If this new behaviour sounds difficult or even mean and antisocial, then please consider this: Worrying has never helped anyone. Not one single person. Ever. On the entire planet. Quite the opposite.
Think of all the possible solutions that are missed because people experience too much fear to come up with them. Think of the time and energy worry wastes. Do you have a list of things you would love to do… if only you had enough time and energy? Change the sentence. That is the list of things you will finally do when you stop worrying.
How do I know? Because that’s how I do it. I’m a content creator, a writer, a designer, an artist, a photographer and a business woman. And I have hobbies. When people take a look at all the things I do, they ask me how. It’s simple. I ditched the bad habits.
First one on the list: worrying. If I can do it, you can too because worrying is unnecessary and unhelpful. It’s just a bad habit. Time to leave it behind in the dust.