Are you a religious person or an agnostic? Do you believe in a soul, an inner being or your true self? Have you tried to connect to your core but struggled in the past? Why do so many people feel unhappy? The answers to all of these questions come from understanding one crucial truth about yourself.
Whether you believe in a spiritual part of you or not, while you are alive, you also always embody an identity. You embody a self. As long as this self is different from the person you know you are, happiness is impossible. Being happy means being and embodying yourself.
What it feels like to be you
Everything we repeat often enough becomes a part of who we are. By this I mean it becomes embodied in our physical existence. For example, if you run on a regular basis, you develop certain muscles in your legs, your back and your belly.
Running becomes easy for you and sooner or later you will identify yourself as a “runner”. You first embody this action until it becomes a part of your identity. This system applies to all your thoughts, emotions and actions. Repeat anything often enough and, eventually, you embody it.
Embodying thoughts
Thoughts are electrical impulses running along ganglions, tentacle-like extensions of every brain cell which connect one cell to another. The more often neurons fire together, meaning the more often electrical impulses run between specific cells, the more connections they form with each other.
Thinking the same thoughts feels “familiar” because there are so many connections between the same brain cells that the electrical impulses runs fast and smoothly. “Familiar” for your brain simply means that the thought is much easier to think.
No matter what your thoughts are at the moment, you embody them through the physical neural pathways in your brain. When you want to think new thoughts, your brain needs to form new connections. This is an effort because it takes time and energy. It feels uncomfortable but if you stick with the new thoughts, they soon become easier because of how malleable our brains are.
Embodying emotions
Emotions trigger the release of hormones and neurotransmitters. These are molecules that are distributed through your body and your brain. They, in turn, trigger other physical reactions, like an increased heart rate and sweaty palms.
Your body adapts to everything you do on a regular basis, including the emotions you experience frequently. When specific hormones and neurotransmitters are released often, in other words, when you experience the same emotion regularly, your body makes all kinds of changes.
For example, hormones and neurotransmitters work on specific cells by docking onto their membranes. When we experience the same emotion regularly, those cells form more receptors. Your body extracts, prepares and stores more of the base ingredients for these chemicals and the other necessary changes. Since it takes longer to take them apart, recycle or discard them again, hormones and neurotransmitters also accumulate in your system.
Over time, feeling a certain emotion becomes easy. The processes are optimised and run smoothly. The emotion has become familiar because you embody it. Changing your emotions means helping your body replace old systems with new ones. Use emotional hygiene techniques to release the detritus from old emotions. Combine it with healthy food to supply your body with the ingredients for positive emotions.
Embodying actions
A thought triggers an emotion which primes you and your body for a reaction. This system is supposed to save us time and energy. When most of our actions are reactions, we can spend our main resources on new conscious activities. It is the key to creativity and innovation.
What reactions look like is learned. You pick up your behaviour from other people or are taught through reward and punishment which actions are appropriate in specific situations and after certain emotions. Everything you repeat regularly becomes automatic. Our reactions are automations.
Over time, you build muscle memory and strengthen neural pathways. The cells involved in repeated actions have more receptors for the hormones and neurotransmitters that trigger those actions. You embody what you do.
As with thoughts and emotions, actions too feel “familiar” simply because they are easier. When you want to behave differently, this feels strenuous, which is just another word for “physically uncomfortable”, because you need to take these actions deliberately at first. You have to use energy, focus and time until your body adapts and you embody your new actions.
“We are not our thoughts or our feelings. We are the awareness that observes our thoughts and feelings.”
Who you really are
I used to think of myself as a kind person until I realised I was wrong. Kind people say kind things and take kind actions. But they also think kind thoughts and feel kind emotions, like compassion, towards others. I was good at the first two but the kind thoughts and compassion? Not so much. I embodied meanness through my thoughts and felt a lot of anger towards others.
Does it matter? Nobody sees my thoughts or my emotions anyway, right? As long as I say kind words and take kind actions that should be enough. Here’s the thing though. Did I always express myself with kindness and compassion or did the occasional mean “joke” slip out? And was I really as kind as I could have been?
Of course not. When you truly want to embody anything, whether it’s a character trait like kindness or a new skill, your thoughts, emotions and actions need to align. Who we embody matters very much, but we are still more than that.
You and me are the awareness that observes our thoughts and feelings. We always measure the person we currently embody against the person we want to be, no matter what this person looks like. And when we fall short, we are miserable.
Embody yourself
So how do you lead a happy life? By embodying yourself. The self that deep down you know you truly are. Kind, ambitious, generous, focused, excited, loving, peaceful or anything else that matters to you. Only you truly know who you are.
Figure out who this person is. Sit with yourself and pay attention. Cultivate self-awareness of your thoughts, your emotions and your actions to find out which ones feel good and which ones are automations you want to replace. Who are you and who are you currently embodying?
Then decide to bridge the gap between the two. Step into yourself. Practice new thoughts, emotions and actions until your body adapts and forms new automations. And then bask in the ease, the joy and the pleasure of being you.
If you want to embody peace, happiness and self-love, here are three free courses. Begin embodying yourself today. The sooner you start, the sooner being you becomes easy.