Do you think of yourself as “too emotional”? Just occasionally or is it how you introduce yourself at parties? Have others labelled you with those words and now you’re trying your best not to live up to them? Is there even such a thing as being too emotional? And why would anyone ever label another person as such?
Well, the short answers are: No, there is no such thing as being “too emotional”. We are all equally emotional. When people label each other with these words, they try to escape an uncomfortable situation by manipulating your behaviour. And if you have been using these terms to describe yourself, chances are you feel at the whim of your emotions.
And now the long version.
“You’re too emotional”
Varieties of this sentence include: “You are too sensitive,” “you feel too deeply”, “stop taking everything so seriously”, and many more. If anyone has ever thrown this theme at you all it means is that your emotions made them uncomfortable or they were afraid of your reaction.
Emotions are contagious. Ever tried to talk calmly to someone who is enraged? Did you get angry too after a while? Or did you feel the sudden irresistible urge to walk away and followed it? If it’s the latter, you acted right because you were protecting yourself from being infected with anger.
Since emotions are contagious, the easiest way to avoid catching an unwanted emotion from someone else is to walk away. A perfectly sensible reaction. Unfortunately, society trains sensible reactions out of us. We are taught that avoiding conflict is weak, cowardly or whatever. So we stay and do the next best thing.
Controlling others
When someone labels us or we label others as “too emotional” we are trying to manipulate them to change their behaviour. Despite the increasing interest in emotions and their importance, many people still have negative connotations with the word “emotional”. So when someone adds a “too” to the insult, we pull back. We try to calm down, meaning suppress whatever emotional reaction is currently active in our body.
At first, this might not sound so bad. Why would you want to upset anyone with your uncomfortable emotions? But when we suppress emotions they don’t go away. They simply turn into an undercurrent to our lives.
What’s even worse, over time we rightly resent anyone who tries to manipulate us with an insult and the relationship, whether it is personal or professional, goes downhill from there. A truly lose-lose situation for everyone.
“I’m a very emotional person”
But what if you heard those words so often that being “too emotional” has now become a part of who you think you are? “I’m a very emotional person” you tell strangers at parties or on dates as a pre-emptive strike. After all, if you mention what they’re in for right at the beginning, they won’t have a reason to complain later when your emotions run the show, right?
Here’s the thing: There is no such thing as being “too emotional” or even “very emotional”. Emotions are reactions to events. They trigger chemical chain reactions in our bodies to prepare us for specific actions. We all have emotions and are emotional to the same degree.
Yes, really. The reason why some people seem more emotional is because they never learned how to suppress and ignore their emotions successfully and/or because they act on their emotions. If this is you, please take a moment to celebrate right now. Just by knowing what emotion you are currently experiencing you’re already ahead. And if someone labelled you as “too emotional” you are expressing your emotions, which is healthy!
What if it is too much for me?
So why aren’t you happy? Chances are that you feel at the whim of your emotions. Maybe you feel triggered all the time. Maybe you act on them only to regret your actions and words later. Or your emotions simply get in the way of what you really want.
Don’t worry. All of your problems are easily fixable with Emotional Intelligence Skills. Since emotions trigger chemical chain reactions in our bodies, those chemicals accumulate. Over time, an emotion like anger or fear, becomes not just easier but also more intense and can even make us lose control. When this happens with fear, it turns into anxiety. This is why your emotions feel overwhelming.
The solution is to lower your base levels by practising emotional hygiene every day. Two simple daily habits keep you calmer and even reduce stress over time. Remind yourself that experiencing an emotion does not mean you have to act on it. Practise self-awareness to give yourself time to breathe and think first so you never have to regret your actions again.
Being emotional is normal
Time to get rid of the label “too emotional”. Yes, you are emotional. We all are. Our emotions are perfect systems designed to make our lives easier. They help us make decisions, are an alarm system for limiting beliefs and even serve as the ultimate productivity hack.
Time to learn and practise Emotional Intelligence Skills so you can make the most of these truly fantastic tools. And the next time someone tries to label you “too emotional” walk away. Then send them a link to this article.